lamboblogging

I'm 19 and going to school for something I think i'm interested in. But I have absolutely no motivation to do any work to actually learn the material. I have a part time job and I know it's not something I want to be stuck doing, and that's why I went to school. But now that i'm in it's just become a depressing shithole of a time that completely crushes me every time I go. I've already retaken a class over my winter semester because I didn't do well in the fall. Now i'm going to be taking 2 more that in the summer that I did bad in the spring. I know I have to put in effort but every time I go to attempt even the smallest task, I give up.

I don't know what i'm doing and I'm fucking scared. Even the smallest tasks like making a meal that isn't cereal makes me feel exhausted and just not want to do it. Then I end up eating cereal whenever i'm hungry because i'm too lazy to do anything else. Even playing video games makes me bored. I don't even play because I enjoy them, it;s just something to make the time go by faster. I could be doing homework, but instead I just sit at my desk and play a game or watch youtube. Sometimes I don't even do that. I'll just fucking sit there and do nothing because I don't feel like doing anything else.

Then, when i'm on youtube, I'm constantly recommended supercar videos. I love cars and everything about them. THen I see people my age. 19 or younger with fucking lamborghini, mclaren, etc... It just makes me feel bad. Like, even IF i did get my shit together, got a degree and a job, I still wouldn't have a fun life at 30 something like they do now at 19. It just makes me want to die. Hell, even youtube is simple. I used to make tons of videos and had a decent following when I was like 15 back in highschool. Then, one day I just stopped doing it. Just like everything else. I just stopped enjoying anything and I don't know what the fuck happened. I can't even open up premiere without closing it 5 seconds after.

Submitted May 01, 2019 at 06:19AM by 34wv50m http://bit.ly/2V9zKZB