lamboblogging

I am 17 and will be turning 18 in 5 months. 2 years ago, I decided that I am going to prepare for NEET( medical entrance exam in India). Earlier I planned to prepare for JEE(engineering entrance exam) so that I can get into biotech and I don't know why but I changed my decision and opted for medicine. I was never interested in pursuing a career as a doctor, the only reason I got into it was that everybody said that I like biology and the most important reason was money and job security. So I joined classes that would prepare me for it and things were going good but then covid hit.

When the lockdown my classes were shifted online. Like the online test, zoom, and recorded lecture. So my dad got me a laptop and being the idiot I am, instead of studying I started watching videos and playing Minecraft and missed all the lectures. I promised myself that I would study later with full dedication but that later never came.

Now I am here two months away from NEET and have studied nothing and what I had learned in 11th I have forgotten everything. I even attempted JEE and in both the attempts I got the lowest score i.e 50 percentile in 1st attempt and 35 in second. At this moment I don't even know what I want to do in life what is my goal, what I want to get my bachelor's degree in. The only thing I know is that I want to move to a different country possibly Australia or any European country and settle there and earn a shit ton of money so that I could buy supercars and live a luxurious life.

It has been more than a year since I had any human interaction outside my family. I don't have any friends and I also tried to reach out to my classmates but no one replies. Only one guy has contacted me during this whole time only when he needed info about the exams and assignments. My parents think that their son is studying to become a doctor, but they don't know that he is just becoming a failure, good for nothing, and a burden on them. I just waste most of my time watching weird stuff, masturbating. There are so many high expectations from me but I know I am gonna fail them all and be a disappointment to my parents.

Submitted May 22, 2021 at 07:26AM by SlenderSpade https://ift.tt/3f7q4XF