I'm gonna go ahead and post this early. I told y'all that I'd write about a boring car, so I did. I seriously hope today's car never crosses my mind ever again. I need to write about another Porsche next Wednesday. Maybe that'll help.
Help.
The Mitsubishi Mirage is the worst car ever. There is no exaggeration in that sentence. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever existed. I would rather be stuck with a Lada 2107 than this car. Thank God I’m not writing for a car magazine, because then I’d have to actually drive one. Fortunately, I get to sit here in my room listening to Nirvana while I write about the Mirage. It’s just bad. It’s not even bad enough to be remembered. People will never even joke about it like they joke about the Ford Pinto or the Nissan Juke. It’s just so utterly forgettable and irrelevant. I honestly think I’m wasting space in my tiny brain learning about this car. I bet 8-year-old me thought I would be doing cool teenager stuff at 17. Nope. I’m sitting here writing an essay about the embodiment of despair. The worst part is that now the Cargurus.com ads I see constantly will now be full of lifeless hatchbacks instead of Porsche’s and Viper’s.
Note that I’m writing about the 2012 Mirage. The older ones from the ‘80s were at least kind of cute in a vintage JDM hatchback sort of way. The new Mirage is in no way interesting, fun, or even vaguely cute. Anyway, the Mirage I’m talking about today is actually Mitsubishi’s sixth iteration of the Mirage. Hopefully it’ll be their last. If Mitsubishi dies then honestly I won’t feel sorry for them. They paved their own road to bankruptcy and they’re cruising down that road in an Eclipse Cross. The market helped a lot, but Mitsubishi has become dead to be. Let’s all hold a funeral for the legends that were Lancer and Eclipse. I’ll figure out a date and an appropriate venue.
What Am I Doing With My Life?
The latest Mirage was introduced as a concept at the Geneva Auto Show in 2011. Mitsubishi actually had the gall to put their little turd of a concept car on display like it was something special. “Ooh, Porsche’s got some crazy hybrid supercar coming. Looks pretty cool. Let’s go see what Mitsubishi’s doing over there. Oh.”
The Mirage went into production in 2012. The awful little thing was shoved into the American Market in 2013, and I really wish it would have stayed wherever it came from. We don’t want it, please take it back. Please. The North American market Mirage comes with a 1.2L 3-cylinder engine, which produces an absolutely asphalt-shredding 76 horsepower and 78 Lbs-ft (100 NM) torque. Holy crap what a monster this thing is. The engine is dubbed the 3A92 and is roughly as powerful as 3 actual horses. At least horses make good pets. The Mirage doesn’t even make for a good car, let alone a good pet. If you offer it a carrot it will just pretend you don’t exist. It just sucks.
The Mirage comes with a 5-speed manual or a CVT. It’s at least fairly lightweight, at about 2,000lbs (about 907kgs). There are 8 paint options available, with the most interesting being Kiwi Green (they somehow made the color green as drab as possible) and Plasma Purple (literally the saddest, mode monotonous shade of purple possible).
The model introduced in 2012 is the most drab of the new Mirage’s three iterations. Mitsubishi has attempted to make the car vaguely more appealing to the eye, as the Mirage was facelifted first in 2015 and again in 2019. Public reception of the Mirage has been (for the most part) hilariously negative. I’m seeing a lot of 3/10 ratings online. Surprisingly, the Mirage was one of the most sold-out cars in Denmark in 2015. What are y’all doing over there, Denmark?
Conclusion:
It’s worse than (insert literally any bad thing here, including Hitler). I think my least favorite thing about it is that the first gen 1.4L Mirage put out 80 horsepower, which means that the 40-year old version of this car is actually somehow more powerful than the new one. What. I’m not even gonna look up the price for the Mirage. I just can’t even with this stupid car that doesn’t deserve to exist. I think it’s about tree fiddy or something idk the joke im done i need to sleep buenos fuckin' noches
Submitted September 28, 2020 at 08:32AM by MisterKeyyy459 https://ift.tt/3j4uZIy
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